Broken Hearted Girl

I'm lying in my bed, thinking what to blog about. And then, SNAP! I think of blogging about my experience when I broke my heart, and how I cope up with it. So, early January of this year, I suffered from "heart problem". My boyfriend and I broke up. Seriously, I did not cry. I don't know why. On that day, I am pushing myself to cry, but my alter ego is telling me that I should not. And so, early in the morning, I went to the park in the village to think. As far as I remember, here's what I thought of that day:

1. Why will I cry for this situation?

2. I wanted to get mad at him but I can't.

3. Why did he do that?

4. Am I a senseless girlfriend?

5. What's wrong with me?

6. What will happen now?

Those are the thoughts that were running in my head that day. I was like, what am I thinking? Am I comforting myself or dragging myself to depression? I don't know. It happened so fast, like in a snap, I lost him. I told myself, GET MAD! cause in that way I will easily forget him. And then I said, I can't be mad at him, Bitterness is not the solution to this. All the time we were together, he never did something bad at me. He made me cry of course, for the first few months of our relationship because of arguments, and that's normal. But I'm proud to say that even if we had a lot of arguments, he never hurt me, physically. He is a very nice guy I know that. So, I told myself, maybe there is a big reason behind this break up. That day, he sent me an email explaining for what he did. Then I was like, "Okaaaaay." So after that break up, nothing's change. I continued my life. I made myself busy to stop thinking so much. After that day, we started to send and receive text messages from each other again, we talked like nothing happened, we're okay, we're fine. And then, days passed by, I asked myself, "Am I stupid?". Why do I keep on communicating to the person that broke his promises to me, the person that made me hate the word "forever", the person that broke my heart. Why? Am I really stupid?

Then I think again... I started to think from the day we met each other, to the day he said it's over. We started as friends, we had been a very good friends for 1year before we enter that relationship. Everything is settled before we had that relationship. Just before we had that, I really wanted to take good care of him, even if we're just friends. But, destiny brought us together. So, I told myself, I should not be mad at him, We started as friends, and we will remain friends even after that "tragedy".

Moving on? At first, It is difficult. I asked myself again, Do I need that? Do I really need to move on? I concluded that I don't need that. For me, a good relationship doesn't need moving on even after it ended. The love story needs to end, but the Friendship should remain.

I wanted to thank myself for being so strong. Being a broken hearted individual is not easy, but you can surpass this if you give yourself time to think and if you really love yourself. But I think it'll be hard for me to enter a relationship again. Cause I don't wanna be hurt again, I don't want to give my 100% trust again to somebody, and I just want to give myself a chance to love me! 

I'm not saying to stop falling in love, but please put some precautionary thoughts to your mind, and some back up plans. Cause you'll never know when will it stops. For all the people who are suffering from this kind of situation, just love yourself. You'll be happy in the end. Promise!

** Thank you for making me strong. And for helping me to realize my mistakes. Thank you.

After reading this blog post, please take time to listen to this song...

'Til my next post, Ciao! ;)